You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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