I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
