My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
