Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
