i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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