I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
