As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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