i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she smelled like a LAN party
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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