I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
