I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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