my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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