kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
