so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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