I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize