I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this boner is exhausting
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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