i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
