You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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