So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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