I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
