you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
