At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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