I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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