First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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