So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
