Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
