walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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