I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
