there's paper in my vomit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His nipple licking is glorious
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