she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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