dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
