fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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