Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dignity is for republicans.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
