I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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