my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
