Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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