I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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