history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
