you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
