That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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