Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
