I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
