Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
