remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
