Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hate all girls vehemently.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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