And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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