every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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