this beer tastes like vomit already
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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