I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
