Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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