This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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