FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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