even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
