dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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