AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
