I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i've created a new STD.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
