i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
