So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
