I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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