her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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